Sunday, November 1, 2009

Happy Halloween from Flint Expatriates World Headquarters

Many enterprises are suffering through the Great Recession, and Flint Expatriates is no exception. Expenses are up; revenues are down. Well, revenues have always been down, but things are getting worse. In an effort to shake things up, the blog for the long-lost residents of Flint has decided to go corporate. Here's our new management team.

Flint Expatriates new CEO, recently "retired" from G.M. upper management, takes a break from the golf course to deliver an inspiring message for the future and angrily demand to know why this website makes almost no money. He ingeniously uses a sand wedge to illustrate his point, shouting, "This blog twitter thing called the Flint Patriots is in a sand bunker of red ink."

Flint Expatriates new Director of Corporate Communications tries to explain why our message isn't getting out to our target audience, partly because we don't have a target audience.

Our new CEO finally finds something he likes about Flint Expatriates during the all-employee cocktail mixer. The Director of Corporate Communications is quickly named the Executive Director of Corporate Communications!

Flint Expatriates new Information Technology V.P. looks for something to plug into after discovering Flint Expatriates I.T. Department consists of an aging Mac laptop.

The CEO and Executive Director of Corporate Communications huddle with the new Flint Expatriates Security Director. "All blogs do is steal material from other publications, so my job is to stop other publications from stealing from Flint Expatriates," explains the new security chief.


  1. Print up some phony stock certificates and put them on the block for five bucks a share in five to twenty share increments. Then turn the project over to your new corporate comptroller in the living room headquarters. It might be a fun added paperwork expenditure that nets Flint Expatriates (Inc) a novel, but tangible return. I would like to be honored with first twenty share certificate when offered. Pre payed of course....unclebuck

  2. The CEO with the mustache kissing the Director of Communications looks eerily like deja vu all over again. He was a handsome Navy Captain who sported a mustache for a short time and used the same technique. As Craig Ferguson would say, "Remind you of anyone?"

  3. If you're supposed to be C.S. Mott, you nailed it.

  4. It was supposed to be a combo of C.S. and a retired golf pro from the '70s. I've had a stomach virus for the past week, so I didn't have to act in order to feel old and hobbled.

  5. who is the man with a bridge hat? i saw that guy somewhere...


Thanks for commenting. I moderate comments, so it may take a while for your comment to appear. You might enjoy my book about Flint called "Teardown: Memoir of a Vanishing City," a Michigan Notable Book for 2014 and a finalist for the 33rd Annual Northern California Book Award for Creative NonFiction. Filmmaker Michael Moore described Teardown as "a brilliant chronicle of the Mad Maxization of a once-great American city." More information about Teardown is available at