Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Flint, The Onion, and the Americans with No Abilities Act

More than a decade ago the satirical newspaper The Onion published a fictitious and very entertaining story on the passage of the Americans with No Abilities Act (AWNAA) "that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans."

It appears the story has been updated, given a Flint angle, and disseminated once again. It's making the inevitable rounds on the Internet. A few Americans — apparently the same ones who think Barack Obama is a fascist infiltrator born in Africa — actually believe it's true. Um, let's see, how can I make this clear? It's not true. (If only Flint's movers and shakers could find these gullible dupes and tell them about the amazing real estate and business opportunities available in Flint.)

And speaking of Flint, the original Onion story featured a quote from one Mary Lou Gertz, "who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk at a Minneapolis tile wholesaler last month because of her lack of notable skills." In the latest version, Mary Lou has relocated to Flint and works for G.M.
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

7 comments:

  1. Mary Lou Gertz's grit and determination is very uplifting to one who has spawned numerous candidates for this Bill. I'm actually thinking about applying for some of these benefits myself, providing there are no age restrictions.

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  2. I think I dated Mary Lou Gertz.

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  3. You guys are not helping me establish the falsity of this story.

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  4. More news from Michigan:
    http://www.theonion.com/content/news/thousands_lose_jobs_as_michigan

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  5. Gordie, the gullible dupes showed up in Flint a couple of weeks ago and bought the old Fisher One for peanuts. It was a collaboration of sorts among these dupes....they have put it back on the block for eleven and a half mil. I understand that it's being fought over by three other groups - bidding is nearing twelve mil. now. tsk tsk.

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  6. she was much smarter on our date than it appears she was at work. that was unfortunate.

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  7. Merry Christmas, Gordie!

    -Patrick & Martha

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