Flint falling behind on the baggy pants patrol

Flint Expatriate and Haskell Community Center bowling champion Jim Holbel writes:

"So have you heard if Flint has any baggy pants arrests yet? Those bastards in Riviera Beach, Florida are Stealing Flint's thunder. The Smoking Gun reports:

Meet Kenneth Smith. The Florida man, 29, was arrested yesterday for wearing baggy pants. Smith was busted by Riviera Beach cops for violating a city ordinance governing low-slung trousers (or, legally speaking, 'exposure of undergarment in public').

"I double checked the Flint chart though, and exposure of 2" of undies is only a warning in F-Town. Maybe they just don't have anyone to enforce the law. Or it could just be a forward looking strategy to avoid the first round of civil liberties litigation, thus allowing Riviera Beach to be the trial case and saving Flint unnecessary legal exposure.

"Or maybe not."

Baggy Pants Guidelines

Flint's crackdown on baggy pants has caused some confusion. Just how do you differentiate between the "immoral self expression" that interim Police Chief David Dicks wants to stop and people who just like comfortable, loose-fitting trousers? Luckily, the Flint police have issued these handy guidelines.

American Idol's General Larry Platt Supports Flint's Baggy Pants Ban

It appears Flint's infamous baggy pants ordinance has a new advocate from American Idol by the name of General Larry Platt.

Pain in the ass

If you're a baggy pants aficionado, Flint's new law banning the fashion statement may seem harsh, but just be thankful you don't live in Jacksonville, Florida.

Scott Butler of The Florida Times-Union reports:

A Jacksonville man is accused of shooting an 18-year-old after telling him to pull his jeans up.

Constantin

It happened about 7:15 p.m. Saturday at Cross Creek Apartments on Manotak Avenue. Police arrived to find the 54-year-old suspect standing next to the victim. The suspect had a gun in his waistband but kept his hands up for police.

Several witnesses told police the man followed David A. Mitchell into the courtyard from the pool telling him to pull his pants up. The two began to argue, and the younger man pushed the suspect before being shot in the stomach, according to the arrest report.

Mitchell, who was released from the hospital the same day, told the Times-Union Monday that the bullet is still in his side but the doctors say he’ll be fine. He said he had never seen the man and knew his shorts were sagging. He said he pulled them up, but the man said it wasn’t enough and just kept coming. So he pushed him off and tried to walk away.

John C. Constantin , who lives at the Westside apartments, was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. According to the arrest report, he told police it was self-defense after he was assaulted for telling Mitchell to pull his pants up.

Family reached at his home Monday offered their apologies and said Constantin was remorseful for what happened. He remains in jail on $100,000 bail.

Obama says pull up your pants

Obama weighs in on laws against baggy pants, and he's not on Flint Mayor Don Williamson's side.

MTV Shows

Thanks to future Flint resident Michael G. for passing this along.

Cracking down

Flint's new police chief is cracking down on the root cause of all Flint's problems — baggy pants. But if you insist on droopy drawers and don't want to do time in Buick Town, there is a solution, courtesy of gawker.com:

A Criminal Performance

What happens when Flint's baggy pants ordinance collides with a Flint Community Players' production of "The Full Monty"?

The city gets to look absolutely ridiculous, of course.

"Strictly speaking, City Attorney Trachelle Young acknowledges that flashing the audience from the stage isn't much different from flashing someone on the street.

"'There are no exemptions for the theater,' she [told Bryn Mickle of The Flint Journal.]"

Flint mayor emerges as comic genius

You have to admit that Don Williamson can be pretty entertaining. If only he were an oddball character on a sitcom, or a colorfully corrupt small-town mayor on The Sopranos or something. Sadly, he's in charge of a city that desperately needs competent leadership.

Flint has made the national news recently for all the wrong reasons. First there was the baggy pants "crack down." Then there was the adopt-a-surveillance camera debacle. You may be asking yourself what Williamson can do next to maintain his lofty status as Clown Prince of American Mayors?

Well, how about if the leader of a city with the worst economy in the nation issues a press release offering advice on how to eliminate high gas prices and save the entire the U.S. economy?

"Mayor Don Williamson today urged Gov. Jennifer Granholm to 'declare a state emergency' and eliminate state gasoline taxes," reports Joe Lawlor of The Flint Journal.

"Williamson, in a news release, also said the federal government should eliminate federal gasoline taxes, drill for oil in Alaska and offshore and create more oil refineries. Williamson said he believes gas prices will be reduced to $2.75 per gallon if those measure are taken, and the economy will improve."

Apparently, the mayor is unaware of just how much state and federal money from these gas taxes flows into Flint. Or that a chorus of economists has already determined that these measures wouldn't do much to lower prices and would probably hurt the economy in the long run.

But hey, given President Bush's track record, Williamson just might find a sympathetic ear in the White House.

All Hail Don Williamson

Former Flint mayor Don Williamson has been a seemingly endless source of material for Flint Expatriates over the years. There were the random firings of competent city employees. The useless "crack down" on baggy pants. Don't forget the time he used city workers to mow his lawn. And the very expensive plan to help the local economy by installing a drag strip on a city street. Of course there was the pricey lawsuit that the city had to settle after the mayor had a paper carrier arrested at City Hall. Oh yeah, what about the cop who got canned for daring to talk to the local media. Let's not even mention all the money the city lost because of Williamson's creative approach to the Genesee Towers situation. For his swan song, the convicted felon asked the cash-strapped city for back pay when he resigned to avoid a recall election.

Given his service to the City of Flint, it's only fitting that Williamson be honored with a statue. After all, Flint's other great leaders like Billy Durant and C.S. Mott have their memorials. It seems Williamson agrees and has erected a golden effigy of himself surrounded by a pride of protective baby lions at his new palatial estate outside Flint.

A reader stumbled upon life-size icon on recent trip home and passed along this report: 

I get back to Flint a few times each year, visiting family. In fact, my wife and I were there last weekend visiting her dad in Lapeer. Travelling back towards Flint via Davison Rd, we ran across an interesting sight. First of all, I should say that my wife's fancy new Garmin GPS flashed a "point of interest" on the screen as we approached the little crossroads berg of Elba. It showed a large area to the north of Davison Rd called the "Patsy Lou refuge" (not really sure if it said refuge or estate or something else). Needless to say that got my attention. No more than 1/2 mile west of the Elba crossroads (near Potters Lake), we were more than a little surprised to see the main entrance to what is obviously Don and Patsy Lou's grand plantation. It is a work in progress, but leaves no doubt that it goes for quite a long way north of Davison Rd. Of course, this alone wouldn't cause me to think of Flint Expats; it was the life sized bronze stature of the Don himself that caused me to write this note.As you can no doubt tell, the Don was standing tall and portly, greeting visitors. Anyone reading Flint Expats for any length of time is surely aware of the special place Don Williamson has with the readership, so I couldn't pass up this opportunity to contribute to the cause.

Is it just me, or does The Don's statue resemble the tribute to another controversial, strong-willed leader?

  Kim Il Sung